This is a pic of me last summer, when I had my campervan and was doing some travelling around the UK…

 

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I have the spirit of an Adventurer. So when my life and business get a bit too routine it feels really flat and boring to me. ‘Flat’ and ‘boring’ are not acceptable ongoing states to me – I didn’t leave my job to re-create the same scenario in my business.

 

While I appreciate that not every day can be a peak experience, I do take a stand for female business owners to experience fun and adventure on a regular basis. Speaking personally I’ve noticed that if I don’t include these elements in my life, my soul rebels and usually finds ways to ‘act out fun’ which may not be the healthiest.

 

So the challenge I have today is how to add in big chunks of fun, adventure and excitement, to my life and business, to keep it feeling thrilling to me. All in a healthy way that doesn’t cause harm to me or my business, or destroy the things and people I care about.

 

One way I’ve typically done this is up until now is through travel; being a bit nomadic and moving around the country as the urge has taken me. However, I quite like where I am living at the moment and I’m considering staying for a while. So I need to expand my repertoire.

 

The Shadow Self & The Price of Not Integrating Her…

 

I’ve always had a ‘dark’ side. We all do, however some of us are more in touch with her than others. I like to think of her as my ‘Dark Queen’ or my ‘Dark Goddess’.

 

She’s really just the dark side of me, where all the darker emotions, feelings, desires, urges and impulses live. If we ignore this part of ourselves we risk alienating her, and that never works. Consider a Catholic Priest fighting with himself to keep a lid on his natural desires that he’s judges as ‘wrong’ or ‘morally corrupt’ or ‘dark’.

 

He’ll fight a (losing) battle with himself to keep that side of himself down, and in the end it spews out in unhealthy and damaging ways.

 

So we can’t do that.

 

She doesn’t need to be judged. She needs to be integrated.

 

She has an important message for us: Even those desires that we deem as ‘too dark’ are just calling for light. To be taken out, explored and looked and, within the boundaries or your own standards for yourself. When you allow yourself to explore ALL parts of yourself, even the negative, even those parts and desires which make you think you’re not a ‘good girl’, that’s GOOD.

 

It’s GREAT in fact!

 

It’s how we become whole. It can add FUN and EXCITEMENT and ADVENTURE into your life, and spice things up, provided you’re grounded enough in yourself to be able to handle what comes up!

 

It’s GREAT; the ultimate adventure.

 

There’s nothing to be afraid of here. Because you can ‘feel’ your way forward. When we do it consciously and intentionally, we can choose how we’d like to deal with what comes up. When we try to stuff down what we perceives as ‘negative’ or too dark, it will simply find other, less than healthy ways out…

 

My dad died when I was 14 and that experience tipped me into a ‘dark’ place. I’ve always danced with my shadow self, but I didn’t know how to do it in a loving way then, or how to honour myself… I started going out clubbing and raving at 14, I got into drugs and generally tried to ‘feel’ something that way.

 

I also became anorexic for a while, as a way to try to gain some control over my life. I chose abusive men to be with, because I needed to feel something again, and I didn’t know how to do that in a healthy way. How to FEEL deeply, how to have extreme and intense experiences while taking care of myself.

 

Later I was into the drum and bass scene in London and ran with the Djs and their crowd. It was a lot of fun, however after several years of living that lifestyle the experience became very empty to me. I still felt that aching chasm inside. At the same time I was also moving on to a more spiritual path, so partying didn’t fit with where I was headed. I stopped and completely changed my life.

 

But my love for darker music and extreme experiences never went away.

 

Dancing With The Darkness

 

I’ve also always loved the thrill of watching horror films and of the occult, although I know now that the occult is not something to dabble with.

 

At times I’ve felt myself feeling ‘bored’ by everyday experiences and even judgemental and sickened by people who carry ‘too much light’ or who are not in touch with their darker side. Funnily enough, some people actually perceive me that way!

 

The truth is we all carry BOTH light and the darkness within us and are in touch with those parts to varying degrees.

 

When it comes to men, I’ve also often been attracted to the ‘bad boy’ types. The charismatic, the Rockstars. I wasn’t really fully in touch with that side of myself, so I was looking outside of me to find it!

 

A mentor of mine once said that if you tend to go for ‘dark & broody Rockstar’ type men, then it usually means you’re looking to create thrills and excitement in your life. She said that instead of looking for it in men, we can take it to mean that we’re supposed to create a life and business full of ‘good drama’ ourselves.

 

To be the Rockstar in our own life.

 

I love that.

 

I don’t consider this need for excitement to be a bad thing. I consider it fuel for creating a legendary life. I believe that when we integrate these parts of ourselves it will help us to become the whole, powerful women we are meant to be, instead of playing small.

 

I have no intention of living a ‘beige life’. How about you? 

 

So, what are some of the most exciting experiences we can give ourselves that are still healthy?

 

How do we add them into our daily experience whilst still honouring ourselves and our standards?

 

Here are some of my ideas:

 

> Climbing up mountains.

> Travelling to new places.

> Going out clubbing & dancing (I’m in the process of learning how to do this sober, as in no alcohol).

> Pole dancing.

> Challenges in my business, like making a certain amount of money, creating and selling a course, running a webinar or public speaking.

> Exploring the Great Mystery – There’s so much more than we know, right here in reality (inside ourselves even). My spiritual path is taking me to some quite far out and amazing places at the moment!

> Dating. Different types of men. Not to try to fill something this missing in me, but to experience different types of people until my man shows up. The experience with him is going to be legendary too!

> Attending personal development & business conferences which put us in a peak state. 

> Potholing (I’ve never tried it yet, and I’m considering it).

> Trying different types of food and cuisine and experimenting there.

Of course I’m sure there are many others, and these are my top ones at the moment.

Typically for me, and maybe for you too, my challenge has been to actually include those things in my life regularly.

As women business owners and female entrepreneurs we can be very focused on building our businesses.

Some might say too focused!

How this has shown up in my life is finding that months have gone by, where I’ve been head down, focused on my biz, and haven’t done ANY of the things on my list.

That in itself presents a risk for me; a risk of burnout. A risk of becoming disillusioned with what I’m creating. A risk of ‘acting out’ because my soul is craving excitement and fun.

Also, when I do that, my unconscious self often takes over and ‘finds a way’ for me to have fun and relief, such as a binge drinking session (very rare these days) which just doesn’t serve me anymore.

So, it’s actually very important for me to ensure that excitement, fun and adventure are part of my experience.

This year I’m doing this very consciously. I’ve already planned a trip to the States for later this year, which excites me. There will be at least 2 more trips booked too. I’ve made arragements to go out dancing at clubs with friends, and attend parties. I’ll be expermienting with doing this sober (alcohol free) and will be pushing my limits here.

I’m considering getting a pole for pole dancing at home.

I’m going to book a boxing class and attend a Zumba class to see how that feels again in my body. I will climb a mountain this year too.

I’m also finding ways to ‘lighten up’ my days by adding more music in. Dance breaks and just finding ways to laugh more and feel a lighter heart. I’ll also be listening to my Dark Goddess, when she needs to be heard. Asking her what she needs and integrating those desires and experiences too.

I invite you to consider how you can integrate your dark side, and how you will invite fun, excitement, good drama and adventure into your life.

Leave a comment below to let me know how this all feels to you…

With Love

Julie.