When re-building a life from scratch, I discovered that you have to concentrate on one (or maybe two) things at a time.
When I was at my lowest point and the life I’d had previously was in ruins, at first it was an achievement just to get through the day. I would set very basic tasks for myself like ‘go for a walk’ or ‘take a shower’ or ‘eat something healthy’.
Back then that was all I could manage. That was right after I left my marriage.
Slowly I began to piece my life back together and re-build.
The life I had created was gone and more than that my identity was gone with it, because I’d tied my identity with the things in my life. Things like ‘I am a wife’ and ‘I am a business owner’ and ‘I am a Coach who travels’. All those things were gone.
I had HUGE debts, no job, a business that was failing, questionable health and I had been through extreme TRAUMA.
I believe there are 3 categories of difficult things we can go through, loss, trauma and failure. Personally I had been through all three of them in 1 year. No matter what you are facing, there is hope.
It was a difficult time. I believe I had PTSD, although it was undiagnosed – I tend to avoid doctors wherever possible, preferring to self diagnose and find alternative ways to healing and wellness. It’s just a personal choice.
Several months later, when I began to function more ‘normally’ again I looked at everything that needed sorting out in my life and I felt totally overwhelmed.
I honestly didn’t know where to begin. Here are the areas that needed work – My health (I hadn’t been paying attention to my health when I was in the thick of things), my wellbeing and emotions, sorting out my thinking and trauma from the divorce and what went before, a way to earn money, paying off large debts (that I couldn’t afford), my weight (which had increased during the difficult times) and of course a place to live that wasn’t the tiny spare room at my parents house.
When you are in survival mode (like just barely getting by) it is almost impossible to make anything else successful in your life, it simply doesn’t stick.
I made several false starts at trying to sort everything out at once before realising that approach was not working.
I realised to be successful I had to focus on one thing at a time.
So I started by giving myself a stable income. I got a job. Later (several months later) I also started a side hustle business. I was able to make enough money to move in to a gorgeous little place of my own.
Then I focused all my energy on sorting out my finances. I went full time freelance and was able to more than double my income. All the while I was learning more about money and paying down my debts.
That brings us up to date. I’m still paying off my debts – And I’m nearly done with them. They will definitely be paid off in 2017! I said it here, so now it’s in print and so I am held accountable 🙂
Just recently I have had the energy and bandwidth to focus on improving my health in a big way. For the last 6 days I have been on a detox. I write more about what I’m doing to improve my health and drop the excess fat I am carrying in another post (it’s a BIG topic, pun intended!)
It’s been 2 years since I separated from my husband now and just recently I tried dating again. However it was too much for me at this time. I discovered I am not ready, and that is OK.
Instead I brought it back to basics again and decided that my 2 priorities for focus on right now are continuing to improve my finances (pay off my debts and increase my savings) and also to take care of my health. After all without our health we have nothing.
Dating, starting another business, travel and all the other plans I have will happen when it is the right time for them to happen. That is not a cop out because I fully intend that they WILL happen, I just have learned not to try to do everything at once… otherwise I end up not succeeding at anything!
The takeaway is – When you are re-building your life, focus on one or two priority areas at a time. No more.
It’s OK to be gentle with yourself, in fact it’s vital. Our society has no time for ‘healing’ and being retrospective. We are expected to ‘get up and get on’… well SCREW that! Take all the time you need. You can even wallow, here I gave you permission… Just don’t try to build a life down there OK? It’s no fun, and there is so much more for you on the other side of this difficult bit – Trust me.
There is no rush. Take babysteps.
When you are building something important it’s worth taking your time over the foundations.
Over to you, what stage of recovery are you at and what are you choosing to prioritise?
With Love
Julie. x